Ask anyone when they met their soulmate, and you’ll often hear the same response: “It came out of nowhere—when I was least expecting it.”
When you’re single, hearing this can make something inside of you want to scream. It feels unfair, even cruel. Because how could love come so easily to others, while you are left waiting, wondering, and questioning God’s timing? You’ve prayed for soul-level love. You’ve done the inner work. You’ve raised your standards, healed your wounds, and tried to embody wholeness. And still, love feels distant, as if you are watching it happen to everyone but you. So when someone tells you, “It happens when you least expect it,” it feels less like wisdom and more like a slap in the face—because it gives you nothing to do, nothing to control, nothing to hold onto. It confirms that love is, in truth, not in your hands.
But here is the misconception: those who say they “weren’t looking” weren’t completely detached from the idea of love. It’s not that love wasn’t in their hearts—it’s that they were no longer chasing it.
There are two very different kinds of expectation when it comes to love.
The first is rooted in wholeness. It is the quiet, steady knowing that love is coming because you have already become the version of yourself who can hold it. You’ve done the work to release what no longer serves you, to raise your self-worth, to embrace unconditional love. From this place, of course you expect love—because you finally know you deserve it. This expectation isn’t anxious or controlling. It is sacred anticipation. It is the whisper in your spirit that says, soon.
The second kind of expectation comes from lack. It’s the restless searching across a crowded room for someone to lock eyes with. It’s checking your phone for messages that never arrive, posting to receive validation, hoping each night out will finally be the night. From this energy, love feels like something missing, something to fill a void. But this type of expectation can only leave you emptier, because it is born of desperation, not wholeness.
The truth is, love reveals itself in energy. And when people say they met their partner when they “weren’t expecting it,” what they mean is this: they were living in their own alignment. They were fully present in their lives, content with what was, not reaching or forcing or searching. They were in joy, in authenticity, in the simple completeness of being themselves.
That is the magnetism. That is the portal.
So ask yourself: if you were to imagine the moment you meet the love of your life, what energy would you want to be in? Would it be the energy of seeking and scarcity? Or would it be the energy of radiance, contentment, and fullness?
Because love doesn’t arrive when you’re grasping for it. Love arrives when you’ve come home to yourself.
