I’ve spent so many years of my life trying to keep the peace, trying to navigate two worlds, trying to make sure no one is upset, or on edge, because of me. But I feel stretched too thin. I feel like no matter what I do, someone will be hurt. No matter how careful I am with my words, no matter how much I try to balance my time, no matter how much I love both of my parents — I still feel like I’m stuck in the middle of something I never asked for.

I know they love me, God. I know they’re doing their best. But sometimes, it’s hard to not feel like a messenger, like a middle ground, like a piece of something that was broken and split into two. I feel the weight of their unspoken expectations, I feel the silent pressure to choose a side, I feel the ache of knowing that my joy with one parent might feel like betrayal to the other.

It’s exhausting, God. And it hurts me deeply.

I don’t want to pick sides. I don’t want to feel like my love has to be measured out equally, like time with one or the other has to be balanced and exact. I want things to feel natural again. I want to be allowed to love them both, fully and freely, without guilt, without worry, without feeling like I’m disappointing someone.

But most of all, God, I don’t want to carry the weight of what isn’t mine to hold.

I am their child. I am not their mediator. I am not their emotional support. I am not the bridge between them. I am allowed to have my own feelings, my own boundaries, my own peace. So God, help me to step out of the middle. Help me to release this responsibility I was never meant to bear. Help me to know that it isn’t my job to fix what was heavy between them, that it is not my job to soften their pain or make it easier for them to exist without the other.

And God, when the memories and the nostalgia crowds my mind, when I think about the way things used to be, when I wonder what life would have looked like if everything had been different, when I feel the ache of a home that doesn’t exist anymore — help me to grieve what was, without losing sight of what still is.

Help me to remember that I am still loved, that I am still whole, that I am still allowed to build a life that is mine, a life that is not defined by the choices they made, and not shaped by their hurt or their history.

God, I am asking you for peace. Peace when I feel torn. Peace when I feel guilty. Peace when I don’t know where I belong. Remind me that I do not have to earn my place, that my love is not a burden, that I am free to care fully without hesitation.

I am their child — but I am also yours, and you have never asked me to carry this. So today, I am laying it down. I am handing it to you, knowing that you are the only one who can make peace with this in my heart, knowing that you are the constant that will make all of this better.

Amen.