Dear God, 

You know I am tired. Not of you, but of fighting battles I don’t always understand, battles that sometimes feel like aren’t mine to fight, or battles I’ve fought a hundred times before. I’m tired of learning the same lesson in many different ways or with different people. I’m tired of always trying to hold it together without a few breaks in between. It’s like the universe keeps speaking to me in a language I can’t fully understand, bringing me back to questions I thought I’d already answered. 

It’s draining, I won’t lie, but somehow I still believe that it’s not all in vain, that somehow these dusty storms are leading to clearer roads and brighter skies. That somehow my tears are watering seeds I can’t see yet and those cracks in my heart are leading me to the kind of light that darkness can’t put out. I still believe, maybe not with loud faith, maybe not with full conviction, but with the quiet hope that has seen you save me from the pit of it all time and time again. 

Isn’t this what faith is all about? Not the absence of struggles and despair, but the trust to keep walking anyway, even if the road is unclear, knowing that eventually you will lead me to the right place, and eventually I will recognize the lesson behind every single fall, every single misstep and every single tear.

I don’t always know what I’m doing or if I am on the right path. I don’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel to keep going, but something in me refuses to just give up and I wholeheartedly believe that this something is YOU; your calling, your voice and your love pushing me forward. 

So even when I’m tired and I don’t have all the answers, even when my faith is not steady, even when I don’t understand your timing or your plans, I still believe that you haven’t forgotten about me, even in your silence and delays. I still believe that your plan for me is greater than anything my human mind could comprehend. I’m still here. Still choosing you. And somehow, that’s enough to carry me through all the storms.