I always thought my marriage would be the safest place in the world. I thought it would be the space where I’d feel completely seen, and understood, and known. But right now, I’m carrying a quiet ache in my heart, because my faith — the thing that shapes me in the most honest and bonded way, is something my spouse doesn’t share, or even understand.

God, I love my partner so much. They have the most beautiful soul. They are kind and caring, they are someone who chose me and who has continued to choose me through every challenge this world has sent our way. But when it comes to my beliefs, sometimes it feels like there’s this invisible barrier between us, like there is a block. I find myself holding back parts of who I am because I don’t want to push too hard, or offend, or cause tension. But at the same time, it hurts to not be able to share the deepest part of myself — my hopes, my prayers, my trust in you, in the way I always dreamed of sharing with my spouse. I feel like I am silencing the loudest part of me, and it’s confusing.

Some days I feel alone even when we’re sitting right next to each other, God. I wonder if there’s something wrong with me, or if there’s something I should have done differently in order to bridge this gap earlier on. And other times, I feel guilty for wishing they’d change, knowing I chose this marriage, knowing that loving them means accepting them just as they are. It’s a complicated kind of loneliness, it’s a form of disappointment that’s tangled up in love. 

God, please help me navigate this gently. Remind me to love first — to choose understanding over judgment, to choose patience over force. Remind me that you love my partner just as deeply as I do. Remind me that you see their heart, that you see their journey in ways I can’t. Let me be a quiet, strong testament to you, not by preaching or pressuring, but by living authentically, compassionately, and faithfully right where I am.

And God, please help me to trust that you’re working in the heart of my partner, even if I don’t see it yet. Help me to believe that you’re present, even in the space that exists between our beliefs. Give me faith to trust that my marriage still has purpose, that it still has strength, that it still holds so much beauty, even if it doesn’t look the way I originally thought it would.

Above all else, God, help me to love well despite this. Help me to see my spouse through your eyes. Help me to trust that you hold our story in your hands, that you know every twist and turn along our journey, and that you will guide us through each challenge, and each misunderstanding.

Thank you for loving me, God. Thank you for loving them. And thank you for holding us both, even when our paths towards you look so different.

Amen.