God,

I want to believe in love again. I want to believe that my heart can be something other than broken, something other than guarded, something other than afraid. I want to believe that I am capable of giving it to another human being again. I want to love in a way that is rooted and full of hope, instead of constantly having one foot out the door because my past lingers in my heart. But God, I don’t know how to do that yet. I don’t know how to bridge this gap.

I have known what it means to love and to lose. I have known what it means to stand at an altar and to make promises that felt unyielding, and true, only to watch them weather over time. I have known what it means to hold onto something I believed was sacred, only to realize that no amount of effort on my part could keep it from slipping through my fingers. I have known what it means to fight for something that was already gone.

Now I know what it means to grieve not just a person, but a future. I know what it means to mourn a love that I had built my prayers around, to mourn the anniversaries we will never reach, the home we were supposed to grow old in, the small, everyday moments that seemed ordinary at the time, but now feel like ghosts of a life I can no longer touch.

I am afraid, God. I am afraid of repeating mistakes. I am afraid of choosing incorrectly. I am afraid of trusting someone with my heart for a second time, only to be left carrying the weight of a love that was never meant to last. I don’t want to go through that pain again, God. I don’t want to stand in the ruins of another love.

But I also don’t want to let this fear keep me from something beautiful. I don’t want to be so afraid of getting hurt that I miss out on the love you have written for me. I don’t want to let my past rob me of my future. I don’t want to build walls around my heart, closing myself off from the human being who might be good for me, who might be kind, who might love me in the ways I was always destined to be loved.

I am asking for your help, God. Help me to learn the difference between wisdom and fear. Help me to recognize the lessons I need to carry with me, but help me to let go of the pain I no longer need to hold inside. Help me to see that my past does not mean I am unworthy of love. Help me to believe that I am enough.

And if love is something you have for me again, God, give me the courage to receive it. Give me the courage to trust it. Give me the courage to step forward without bracing for heartbreak. Give me the courage to believe that my heart, though it has been wounded, is still strong enough to try again.

Most of all, remind me that I am already loved, God. Remind me that my heart is not a lost cause, that I am not waiting to be made whole, because I already am. Remind me that your love is steady — that it does not waver, that it does not leave, that it does not break its promises. And whether or not another love finds me, remind me that I will be held in the love I have always found in you. Remind me that you are my constant, my safe place, my home.

Amen.