I’m tired of pretending I’m okay with almost love. I’m tired of pretending that I’m fine with thoughtless text exchanges and distanced effort. I’m tired of settling for half-baked tenderness, for attention that has one foot out the door, for people who want to experience the depth of my presence without also being responsible for my heart.

Somewhere along the way I convinced myself that this was enough. That it was better to have something, anything, than to have nothing at all. I told myself not to be so sensitive.  I told myself to quiet my heart. I told my soul to lower its expectations. I swallowed my hope and laughed along with everyone else in my generation, pretending that I didn’t mind being someone’s option, someone’s maybe, someone’s passing comfort.

But the truth is, God, I do mind.

I was never made for half-hearted love. I was never meant to offer my heart in pieces. I am not wired for relationships built on avoidance and uncertainty. My heart aches for something deeper, for something rooted, for something real, and I’m tired of pretending it doesn’t.

It feels embarrassing to want what I want, God. To long for commitment in a world that celebrates detachment. To believe in the kind of love that stays, to trust in the beauty of showing up for someone with your whole heart and nothing less. It feels like a weakness at times, like I’m asking for too much.  

God, remind me that it’s not a weakness — it’s how you made me.

You created me with a heart that hopes for depth, for faithfulness, for intimacy that doesn’t have to be chased down or begged for. You designed me to reflect your love — the kind of love that doesn’t run when things get heavy, the kind of love that endures, the kind of love that stays.

Please help me to stop apologizing for the shape of my heart, God. Help me to stop pretending that I’m okay with being someone’s almost when what I long for is forever. Help me to trust that my desire for real love isn’t something to be ashamed of — it’s something to honor.

And when loneliness finds me, when the temptation to settle for attention dressed up as affection arrives, remind me what I’m truly worth, God. Remind me that I don’t have to shrink my desire or silence my heart just to have someone choose me. Remind me that waiting for something real and anchored is worth every moment of doubt, is worth every night spent alone.

I’m tired, God, but I’m choosing to believe. I’m choosing to believe that somewhere, there is a love that mirrors yours waiting for me. A love that is steadfast, a love that is sure, a love that is unlike anything I’ve felt so far.

Strengthen me in the waiting, God. Guard my heart from those who take without giving. Teach me how to be at peace with the space I’m saving for the right connection, for the love that chooses me fully and without hesitation. 

Thank you for seeing the parts of me I try to hide, God. Thank you for valuing the very things I’m convinced to call “too much.” Thank you for holding my heart gently in the in-between. I trust you with this, God. I trust what you are saving for me.